I know that nothing at all in this life just comes randomly and without purpose. I also know that there is One who is behind, in and through all of the plans and purposes of creation as well as my little minute microcosm called life. However, I go about my day as if it is all random and that this One I profess faith in is somehow on Fourth of July vacation at the beach with everyone else I know.
Sitting over a bunch of yard sale stuff, desiring that sales would assist in funding a mission trip to NY, I just kick back expecting it to come, to all work out. I did not pray. I woke up at 6:00 totally grumpy. Really, I was up all night and arrived on the scene this morning with that same spoiled brat expectation that seems to run rampant in my life. Just now, 3.5 hours into this rather slow yard sale time, did I sort of mumble in my spirit: "Lord I need some help here."
I had just returned from McDonald's when a friend told me "the guy that just left, he didn't want anything, but said God placed it on his heart to give $5.00." Man I am a presumptuous spoiled brat to just come off all the time with such an attitude of entitlement that expects to receive blessings from God just because I woke up and showed up.
(as if turning my oxygen on another day is not enough)
Recently I told a counselor that I see: "I think all of my struggles in life and especially my relationship (or lack thereof) with God is because I am spoiled, I have a very unhealthy sense of entitlement, I learned over the years just how to get my way, and when I mess it all up the consequences are miniscule or non-existent. It is really a pretty lousy approach to life BUT at least I can see, as I did this morning, that God remains faithful in the $5.00 gift. That gift is an exact representation of grace.
My prayer as I jot these words is that somehow I would learn a lesson in this. Somehow, as a passage comes to mind at the moment, the truth of Eph. 4:7 - "But grace was given to each one of us according to the measure of Christ's gift" would resonate deeply. Everything about grace is a gift, God is the Giver and the very best I can manage is to be spoiled and undeserving!
God help me to somehow be more responsive to You, more obedient to You, more faithful to You, not because I deserve it or am entitled to it, but because You are a wonderful Father who decided to give Your grace to me as a gift. Thank You for sending that $5.00 to make me see that You and You alone are the Giver and I can do nothing to earn your grace!
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