empty words, empty promises, empty actions!

Well, as much as I hate to say it, the title of this post describes so much of what has been happening in my life lately. All of the empty words that spew forth from an internal need to be viewed by others as something that I am not. All of the empty promises like saying that I was going to post on a very regular basis here. Whether anybody actually reads the stuff or not, that is not the point, the point is what I said I would do, I did not do. And of course that all bleeds over into empty actions.

I am just going to be way too honest here, because after all, this is supposed to be a place for me to express myself in hopes of maybe helping someone else along the way. I am quite certain that I am not the only one who feels empty, with emptiness being expressed through the daily routines of life. Granted, I can contribute much of my struggles to the evil and sensual lusts of my flesh that pour over me like a tidal wave at times. Right now I do not have the fellowship and accountability in my life to deal with these thoughts (and some actions) quickly enough, so I let the waves continue to pour upon me as I just stand there about to drown. It sounds so silly! I should know better! After all, I have been groomed and trained for years to deal with this stuff in all of the right ways as a Bible-believing Christian. But I struggle!

Struggling has been so intense for me the past few weeks that I have felt paralyzed. I have felt so frustrated, alone, helpless, isolated and so on. But you know what the really insane thing is? Instead of reaching out and pouring myself more into my church or getting on the phone, I isolate myself and mentally entertain the sinful desires of my rotten flesh (my sinful nature that is literally at war with the Spirit of God within me). I would not even appear to be a Spirit-filled believer in Jesus to a casual observer who was watching me to see if anything about my life reflected Christ. The past few weeks I would have just looked like an average Joe who had never even heard all of the Romans 5 stuff I have been writing about!

The good news is that God's mercy is truly new each morning! Jeremiah "the Weeping Prophet" writes in the book of Lamentations "Through the Lord's mercies we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not. THEY ARE NEW EVERY MORNING; GREAT IS YOUR FAITHFULNESS. The Lord is my portion, says my soul, THEREFORE I HOPE IN HIM" (Lam. 3:22-24, nkjv).

Once again. like Paul with his thorn in the flesh, I have to be reminded how much God is really in control, how rotten I am apart from Him, and that the ONLY thing that could ever make a difference in my life would be from Him! Without that mercy mentioned above, I an consumed by His wrath. I do not have a hope in the world if it is not totally because of Him. For whatever reason, He puts up with knuckleheads like me. It is NOT because I deserve it, but only because He has sovereignly chosen to allow me to be a part of His creation, plans and purposes, even when I blow it. I don't get it, but thank God He does not treat me like I would treat myself!